Thursday, May 7, 2026

April Journal, San Marcos Notes on Anti Psychiatry and Social Movements in Health, Harm Reduction and Psychoanalysis

 








Mama and this writer in 1969, Uncle Winston and Grandad with Mama. 

Grandad and his brothers. 

Syringe exchange saves lives! Richard Elovich

April Journal, San Marcos Notes on Anti Psychiatry and Social Movements in Health, Harm Reduction and Psychoanalysis 

A few days after we got back from Taiwan on the 36 hour Monday April 13th, I found myself giving a talk at Christine Norton’s social work class at Texas Tech in San Marcos, a town just outside of Austin.

My mind popped, thinking about what to say in my two talks, one on my friendship book, another on community mental health and harm reduction, both in Texas, the scene of the crime, of my life. 

I started scribbling notes.

Thank you for having me.

It’s an honor to be here.
Thank you Dr Norton, my old University of Chicago comrade.

It's particularly special to be here in Austin, a stone’s throw from Bastrop, just outside of Austin, where my Great Grandmother grew up and went to college.

A writer, she left the family a memoir of growing up, full of the messy details and dirty laundry, tragic histories of the Shepard family and the Jim Crow south, off to War, into modern times. 

The mother of five, she regretted the loss of her first, in childbirth, more than any of the others.

Of her four others, three attended Harvard, the fourth, Uncle Louie, who attended West Point. Three of the four served in the second World War. Winston stayed home in South Georgia. He was beloved.

Grandad served in the Pacific, came home crazy, disabusing his kids from adoring him as a war hero. A Harvard doctor, he was imposing and stern. 

Carl died in an s and m accident, Dad used to say, knocked down the stairs by his male lover. 

Louie outlived them all, settling back home, onto his farm work after the war. 

Existentialism was in the air in South Georgia dad used to say of the 1940’s there. 

In those days, my dad was late to reading. 

So, Mama brought him copies of Classical Gods and Heroes, capturing his imagination, his curiosity, teasing the words out, teaching Dad to read. 

Dad eventually found his footing, learning, going to Harvard and Princeton, Chicago, meeting his best friend, traveling from London to Afghanistan by Land Rover, overland, in a journey of approximately 4,600 miles (roughly 7,400 km). They were the subject of my first friendship book… Each struggling with losses and psychiatric categorizations, military service, conduct unbecoming, the slings and arrows of academic careers, HIV, etc. 

And onto Dr Norton’s class. 

Thank you for having me, I began. 

“Might be good if you brought a framework or some concrete material around decolonizing mental health or an activity to keep them engaged,” Dr Norton asked. 

What is the root of misery, I asked to begin.

Pain.

Unhappiness. 

Students offered a few ideas. 

And so we began our conversation about anti psychiatry and social movements in health, harm reduction and psychoanalysis. 

Would we have diagnosed and drugged or Einstein, wonders Bruce Levine:

“Albert Einstein…  didn't pay attention to his teachers, failed his college entrance examinations twice, and had difficulty holding jobs. However, Einstein biographer Ronald Clark (Einstein: The Life and Times) asserts that Albert's problems did not stem from attention deficits but rather from his hatred of authoritarian, Prussian discipline in his schools. Einstein said, “The teachers in the elementary school appeared to me like sergeants and in the Gymnasium the teachers were like lieutenants.” At age 13, Einstein read Kant's difficult Critique of Pure Reason—because he was interested in it…. Einstein refused to prepare himself for his college admissions as a rebellion against his father’s “unbearable” path of a “practical profession.” After he entered college, one professor told Einstein, “You have one fault; one can’t tell you anything.”

While,  “the very characteristics of Einstein that upset authorities so much were exactly the ones that allowed him to excel,... as a youth,” Einstein “would have likely received an ADHD diagnosis, and maybe an ODD one as well.”

 Is anti-authoritarianism a mental health problem?

Diagnosed with dyslexia and hyperactivity as a kid. I had a great public school teacher who suggested I wasn’t just a flunkie, but something else might be going on. 

I got a diagnosis. 

I didn’t really mind the characterization as dyslexic or hyperactive. 

Dyslexia was first identified in 1877 by German neurologist Adolph Kussmaul, who termed the condition "Wortblindheit" or "word-blindness" to describe intelligent patients who could not read. 

That seemed accurate enough. 

This was the mid 1970’s. Notice the word disorder was not included until later. 

ADHD was first added to the DSM in 1968 (DSM-II) as "Hyperkinetic Reaction of Childhood," focusing on excessive motor activity. It was renamed to "Attention Deficit Disorder" (ADD) in 1980 (DSM-III) and finally became "Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder" (ADHD) in 1987 (DSM-III-R). (PubMed Central (PMC) (.gov)

With a diagnosis, the meds that flew my way were many, ritalin, dexedrine, amphetamines that rang in my head.

Why all the meds?

 Are we psychologizing and drugging difference?

Or failing to account for structural problems our clients face?

Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean they are not out to get you, I learned from my homeless clients years ago. 

These snippets are chapters in a much longer history of anti psychiatry, harm reduction movements I’d like to explore. 

The anti psychiatry movement has many roots, as well as common goals, beginning with the alleviation of suffering as Eric Fromm observed, dovetailing from Frankfurt School Social Theory to Harm Reduction. 

Is the goal of this work to create free, healthy people, free bodies.  If so, we could do worse than consider the work of Freud. But is Freud radical or conservative?

Does he take on the radical impulse of Marx or follow a more conservative functionalism of the US? In Talcott Parsons’ functionalism, the doctor and patient relationship is hierarchical; the patient goes along to get along, to fit within the system. For Parsons, illness is a form of "deviant behavior" that disrupts social stability; the patient is obliged to fulfill the "sick role" to manage this dysfunction. Here, the physician holds authority, and the patient is obligated to comply in order to get well and return to productive society.  

Or does the patient break the system apart as the AIDS activists taught us?  

Considering the questions about repression and freedom, I begin with Robinson's study The Freudian Left, a work which considered the work of  Herbert Marcuse One Dimensional Man and Eros and Civilization, as well as Wilhelm Reich and Geza Roheim.  

Marci Shore reminded me of this story on her European Intellectual History broadcast. 

Herbert Marcuse, looking at play as freedom as a space real beyond work and necessity, sex as freedom, anti fascism

Among the most effective ways to oppress  a person is to control their bodies, argued anti colonial theorist Franz Fannon. Break the shackles. Repression has its limits. Marcuse and Reich found it dangerous, seeking to liberate our social imagination from the shackles of misery, the dangers of prohibition.

While the American Psychiatric Association had rendered homosexuality as mental illness, and criminality, the intellectual founder of the field was much more agnostic on the matter, informing a young mother, who’d written to him, that it should neither hurt, nor hinder her child. 

Marcuse was part of a part of the Frankfurt school that had started before WWII, hunting out the whiff of fascism in the post war modern world. These theorists borrowed from both Freud and Marx, popular culture and poetry to question the darker chapters of our history, including the horrors of National Socialism and the lingering scene tricking forward. Frankfurt theorists wondered about the Dialectic of Enlightenment, tracing a line from its promises to gas chambers. How do we cope with alienation, loneliness, the scene of estrangedness we feel from our labor and ourselves?

What is the etiology of neuroses, the physical environment or the mind? Should we look at Freud or Marx?

With changes in the way we work or with relief from social repression. 

Wilhelm Reich’s Mass Psychology of Fascism is still essential. His work on repression is still informative. 

HIs later studies of the release of repressed feelings, with his “Orgone” left him in a prison cell. 

His work on bodies and repression has found renewed interest lately, particularly with in Olvia Laing’s (2021) study, Everybody: A Book about Freedom. “The body is a source of pleasure and of pain, at once hopelessly vulnerable and radiant with power,” contends Laing, considering the long struggle for bodily freedom, using the life of the renegade psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich to explore gay rights and sexual liberation, feminism, and the civil rights movement.

Having written two dissertation papers, Marcuse moved to the United States  in June 1934, writing Eros and Civilization, One Dimensional Man and The Aesthetic Dimension. His study of social movements and struggles against fascism inspired notable movement figures including his studies Angela Davis and Abby Hoffman.

There must be more to life than means of necessity, he reminded us, suggesting we are only really free when we play. 

His work was fundamentally about finding the liberatory potential of human experience, mining Freud for understandings of sexual freedom. 

Of course, Marcuse, Reich, and Geza Roheim only anticipated the anti-psychiatry movement to come, that took fruition in the 1960’s, as a coalition of critics—including psychiatrists, patients, and activists—arguing that mainstream psychiatric treatment could be more harmful than helpful. According to Psychiatry Online, this movement challenged the validity of psychiatric diagnoses, over-reliance on medication, and coercive practices like involuntary commitment. Rooted in the 1960s counterculture, the movement questioned the "medical model" of mental illness that Parsons articulated, arguing that many issues are social, existential, or political rather than biological. Key figures included psychiatrists Thomas Szasz, R.D. Laing, David Cooper, and Franco Basaglia. "Revolt from Above": Many early leaders were psychiatrists aiming for radical reform of asylums and coercive treatments, rather than the abolition of all mental health care. Their Main Objections to Conventional Psychiatry: Diagnosis Reliability: that diagnoses are subjective checklists rather than objective medical tests, aimed at billing for services, rather than helping people feel free or healthy. 

Quickly, how do you feel when you read the DSM? I asked everyone. 

I feel like I have everything. 

Another criticism, Iatrogenic Harm: High concern over the side effects and lack of long-term efficacy of psychiatric medications. These were my experiences with the voices in my head after the ritalin and dexedrine I was prescribed. (See my Sustainable Urbanism for a full account of this experience).

Would we have diagnosed Einstein?

What of others who question authority or bounce around too much. 

Medicate and sedate them. 

To what end - personal freedom or fitting into the social system. 

By the 1960s, new movements took on this thinking. 

Anti Psychiatry, Icherous Project, Mindfreedom, roots in anti psychiatry, 

With the AIDS Movement, people with AIDS became the experts, challenging authorities, the Dr Patient Relationship, creating a highly engaged, participatory, egalitarian model of engagement. 

At meetings, activists carried copies of Michael Warner and Foucault’s books, with their calls to resistance to regimes of the normal, to queer our understandings of sickness and health. AIDS activists formed a buddy System, based on social networks, rather than medical expertise to take care of the sick. 

Activists trained other activists and peers. User based strategies of risk reduction grew from there, harm reduction, syringe exchange, fuck safe shoot clean. 

Borrowing from this, I walked everyone through a few slides on the history of syringe exchange and harm reduction, passing out Richard Ellovich’s old training materials from the Harm Reduction Coalition, highlighting :

15 Principles of Harm Reduction 

1) start where the person is at, relevant place in the person's immediate universe.

2) address person’s need in a hierarchy

3) reduce alcohol- and – drug related harm to self and others

4) reduce related risks to self and others

5) recognize there is a whole person, not just a behavior

6) Ask a person, what is it you want to do?

7) allows practitioners to consider pros, and cons, and areas of ambivalence

8) harm reduction is realistic, allows person to be honest, avoid the lie

9) without judging, increase consciousness of choices

10) recognizes and respects autonomy and self determination

11) emphasizes relationship building

12) develop and build skills and ego functions

13) works from strengths, humor, hustle , etc.

14) increases happiness

15) identify and build healthy aspects of self

San Marcos was part of a big month of movement, my head spinning from our return from Taipei to Brooklyn, just the week before. We arrived on Monday night, near midnight, only a few hours before classes the next day. 

A few highlights from between Taiwan, Brooklyn, and Marcos. 

April 13th

We read reports from the NY Times:

“Breaking News: The Trump administration agreed to allow the rainbow Pride flag at the Stonewall monument in Manhattan, reversing its earlier decision. https://nyti.ms/4vhPXcq”

Newsweek reports: “Nearly 100 protesters were arrested after urging Schumer and Gillibrand to block bomb sales to Israel during a Manhattan protest.” 

April 14th

Back in NYC, back in Brooklyn with the Barbes crew. Emily, MM, M, and then Greg showed up, laughed and left, spring in the air. Gorgeous spring. 

April 15th

Back in NY, teaching, spring in the air, a townhouse for sale, Alex pouring pints at Bijans, a demo tomorrow, for free speech, a rally at union square for the climate. 


April 22

I found myself in San Marcos, giving a talk at Texas State at my old Chicago buddy's mental health class. Pictures of L B J are everywhere, the US at its best and worst, people out dancing to blue grass music at Tantra, chatting  with friends. 'There is no adventure without misadventure' ... There are many stories here on a hot night. 

April 23

Woke up and gave my friendship talk, recalling

Benjamin, the Sarajevo cello player, Assata, Walt draft riots, Elizabeth Owens, Doris, Elizabeth Meixell, Stanley, Bertha Jennifer, and Mama from Bastrop, "a historic city southeast of Austin known as the 'Most Historic Small Town in Texas,' on the Colorado River and within the Lost Pines Forest region"... We walked through Texas State, where LBJ went to teachers college. Ran into students with signs. Get ICE off campus say students, makes me scared, worried for them. Free speech violated. Faculty audited. I hope people understand the severity. Two profs fired for speaking out. We need targeted universalism, a new language for engagement, from the Institute of Othering and Belonging, says Allen. Students are not protesting. This is now called  expressive activity. Bubbles for free speech, says one student, sharing bubbles. Bong Hits for Jesus. And then stopped at the Whittliff Gallery, looking at the history of Texas Music. and explored an old record store and San Marcos Springs.

April 24th

"When I wake I'm torn between the desire to save the world or to savor it" said Christine. That evening we found our way to

St. Elmo Brewing Company, in Springdale, outside Austin. More music and friends. Buddy David arrived. Barbara, growing up, Christine's mom talked about her cult, the conversation was plenty. Laughing even more.

Texas night, lots of music, Guy Clark, True Love Will Find You in the End, by Daniel Johnston. A little Dylan, you're gonna make me lonesome when you go.

Crooning away into the night with Dolly...

Song by Dolly Parton

It's been a long dark night

And I've been a waitin' for the morning

It's been a long hard fight

But I see a brand new day a dawning

I've been looking for the sunshine

You know I ain't seen it in so long

But everything's gonna work out just fine

And everything's gonna be all right

That's been all wrong

'Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning

I can see the light of a brand new day

I can see the light of a clear blue morning

Oh, and everything's gonna be all right

It's gonna be okay

It's been a long long time

Since I've known the taste of freedom

And those clinging vines

That had me bound, well I don't need 'em

Oh, I've been like a captured eagle, you know an eagle's born to fly

April 25th

Bus to Dallas, from San Marcos, first stop Deep Ellum, All Good Cafe,  past Club Dada,  posters around, Rev Horton Heat, joshua ray walker, burlesque shows, A woman comes in passing out flyers for an ICE Out event down the street. Waitress prepping for a show  with a Japanese Elvis impersonator. They all treat him like Elvis. So it's my one chance to be a star, she tells me, agreeing a stroll to the Dallas Museum of Art is a good idea. I keep walking down Main, past Good Lattimer, where I used to work. Eric picks me up outside. We find our way to White Rock Lake for the KNON benefit, watching the sun go down on the water. The band played a pretty good 'Eyes of the World' by Grateful Dead, 1973, singing: "Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world." And drop by Doug's where we play old 45s and laugh. David C dropped by. And we met Colin and talked about Texas Music,  ashes on the football field, kids, Trey, the Avid brothers, Carter Albrecht's departure,  Dallas music, David Allan Coe, Kenny Withrow,  Robert Earle Keene, and Willie, everyone's favorite. Years and years later, a laugh, a survival story, years and years of stories. What happened to Carter? "Albrecht, a keyboard player for the band Edie Brickell & New Bohemians, was shot to death early Monday while trying to kick in the door of his girlfriend's neighbor..." What happened, we wonder. What happened? 

April 26th

Thinking about all my old friends here, there, Mama long gone, Dad, in  parts unknown, all us, getting older, those I used to see here, who I used to run into in Deep Ellum, old lives, long ago days... as we walk this place, between there and back. 

I play some old records, including "Hill Country Rain" by Jerry Jeff Walker, a 1972 song about an easy, and joyous feeling of the Texas Hill Country, the Central Texas region, a contented feeling.



































Saturday, May 2, 2026

Wall Street is War Street: Mayday at the Stock Exchange #SunriseMovement

 

Odds and ends from May Day 2026. Photos by @lantzarroyo.
Top, bottom, Pics by Ken Schles, and a few snaps from this blogger. 


















Wall Street is War Street: Mayday at the Stock Exchange #SunriseMovement

Ryan invited us to Judson, where Micah, Kate and Ken were going over scenarios, people eating pizza, big pieces of paper about on the floor on Thursday night, who planned to do what, red, green, and yellow roles. 

Friday morning, we’d meet there again. Go over everything again and head downtown to Wall Street. 

Before we left, we rehearsed singing the song,  "Light Is Returning," by songwriter Charlie Murphy.  

"Light is returning even though this is the darkest hour 

No one can hold back the dawn

 Let’s keep it burning 

let’s keep the flame of the hope alive 

Make safe our journey through the storm 

One planet is turning circle on her path around the sun 

Earth mother is calling her children home."

Both earnest and playful, we made our way, a little nervous.

Affinity Group 5 took the train to Wall Street. We headed to the Stock Exchange. Flooded to the doors. “My back, my crack, Wall Street is wack!” we chanted. “Tax the rich. The billionaires are destroying our democracy,” we screamed at the Stock Exchange. 

Ryan looks great in handcuffs. Police throw him down. Micah earnest and sincere. Tax the Rich, we chant,  Memories of Flood Wall Street, a sit-in at the People's Climate March, a riot at Occupy Wall Street.

Activists in the street, the sound of marching bands filled the street, performers, memories of decades of Mayday actions. Wall Street is War Street. The city is unlivable for far too many. The inequality is only expanding exponentially. And it's only getting worse. 

Wall Streets a joke, we chant. Police mull about, more and more of them arriving discussing what to do with us.

Finally a police van arrived.

The police keep calling us bodies. 'We've got six bodies to move,' they repeated, over and over. 

‘Billionaires are turning our democracy into a plutocracy,’ I declare as I was being taken to the police van. Testimony after testimony. Inequality gone wild. Health care costs up, abortion access restrictions, civil rights eroding. 

Naomi would later post: “bad news that dropped while we were all in the streets…us-court-blocks-mail-order-access-abortion-drugs-now-2026-05-01/…if this stands, or as long as it stands, this blocks telehealth abortion which has been especially important for more marginalized communities in states with bans/restrictions..Aid Access pays no attention to US courts but may be less accessible than domestic telehealth for many people.

Eventually, they lined us up and walked us to the vans and took us to the 7th precinct, where they went through our stuff. Micah commented on the white Jesus in a disco suit on the wall. Then to the holding cell, each of us in individual cells. 'If you are reading this, you are never leaving,' said the graffiti. As soon as I was asleep my arresting officer came back to the cell to tell us we had to move. Through the system, I thought. It had happened before in the Giuliani years. No. It's their jurisdiction, said one of the cops on the way  back to 1 Police Plaza. 

'Welcome back,' said one cop  at 1 Police Plaza.  

Went through our stuff again. Took our show laces. Put in the group cell with shiny steel bench covers. Micah and I talked about Broadway shows and Marie's Crisis, his favorite, Little Shop of Horrors, mine A Chorus Line.  Ryan and I talked about ACT UP. Within a couple of hours they released us. Off for pizza, going through all our charges, catching up arrestees, being released. 

And off to the Mayday march, thousands, as  arrived at Foley Square. Workers and immigrants, trade unionists with the PSC, anarchists, out in the street, recalling the Haymarket Martyrs. 

All you fascists gonna lose, a banjo player sang after the Mayday match. 

Time to hit the streets!!! 

After the action, Ken Schles, who was part of the documentation teach, posted a note on Mayday:

“A coalition of 100+ activists led by @sunrisemvmtnyc blockaded the @nyse on May Day/International Workers Day, demanding taxation on the rich; end ICE/stop war/eliminate the privatization and profiteering of policing; and additionally a call for the expansion of democracy after the capture of government by the billionaire class and the systematic destruction of our voting rights.

The holiday started 1886 in the U.S. to commemorate laborers striking for an 8 hour work day who were machine gunned down by the National Guard in Chicago. That event became a worldwide call for workers rights that were enshrined in worker protections in countries around the world.

Denying our own history and national shame, the holiday, Labor Day, was moved to September by President Grover Cleveland to disassociate the U.S. holiday with the government massacre.

President Eisenhower renamed May 1st, “Law Day,” countering the populist uprising.

The New York Stock (as you can see in the photo) refers to the day as “National Investing Day,” an absolute co-opting of the day, memorializing a 1975 Securities Exchange Commission decision to eliminate fixed commission rates on stock trades.

Concentration of extreme wealth was the foundation of this country and its unchecked crimes and injustices have accompanied us throughout our history.

A pendulum of promise opened up possibilities for what might be offered in America. The Civil War was a turning point that marked a great shift in freedoms that, sadly, by century’s end were closed again by Jim Crow.

The women’s suffrage movement reawakened possibilities that opened up new possibilities that grew in strength along with expanding labor and civil rights post WWII. But the pendulum swings the other way too.

This week’s loss of the 1965 voting rights act, the ongoing federalization of policing through DHS, the rise of the surveillance society and the destruction of the EPA shows a new entrenchment of oligarchs and a drastic shift towards an authoritarian regime — a dark stain for the nation and the world.

But the deep unpopularity of the current regime gives hope for a better future and a more just, accountable, caring state. ✊ Time to take it back.”


Ryan Casey posted a note after the action:

“MAY DAY !

NO WORK ! NO SCHOOL ! NO TRADING !

WORKERS OVER BILLIONAIRES !

BILLIONAIRES ARE CLOWNS !

In honoring May Day, @sunrisemvmtnyc led a nonviolent direct action in coalition with several other organizations to shutdown the New York Stock Exchange.

The Wealthiest 10% of Americans Own 87% of All Stocks !

The 1% Owns Over Half of All Stocks !

The War in Iran has cost Americans over $25 Billion !

$1 Billion to Slaughter 150+ Schoolgirls in MAGA’s Inception of this War !

The New York Stock Exchange

is a dystopian playground

for morally bankrupt billionaires

to nurse their grotesque wealth hoarding

inside Donald Trump’s White Collar Criminal America.

!!! BILLIONAIRES HAVE BOUGHT OUR DEMOCRACY !!!

Elon Musk is set to be the World’s First Trillionaire.

The funding cuts implemented under Elon Musk’s DOGE to the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief program— is estimated to have killed 17,000 children globally (as of January 2026).

1 Adult Dies Every 3 Minutes.

1 Child Dies Every 30 Minutes.

From AIDS related complications.

Because of Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, and RFK JR.

THE AIDS CRISIS IS NOT OVER !

ACT UP ! FIGHT BACK ! FIGHT AIDS !

!!! FIGHT FACISM !!!

With the help from our comrades, 8 Activists called out, “Carpe!” and hopped the NYSE fence declaring, “This is an act of nonviolence!” as we more, or maybe less, chained ourselves to the main entrances.

The NYSE Security Guards brutalized several of us.

Violently escalating the situation.

100+ Activists ensured we shutdown the New York Stock Exchange on May 1st, 2026.

30+ Activists were arrested.

We are in this for the long run.

Carpe Diem, girlies.

Stay safe.

!!! WORKERS OVER BILLIONAIRES !!!”

Says the PSC, my union that marched from Washington Square to Foley Square as we were getting out of jail:

“In the face of oligarchy and repression, May Day is more urgent than ever. So we're mobilizing with partners from AFT Higher Education, New York City Central Labor Council, and The New York Immigration Coalition to say: WORKERS OVER BILLIONAIRES!

Kate’s account of hte day is gripping:

“Activism can be a source of real frustration for me because I come hard up against the limits of what my body can do these days.  Yesterday was May Day, and a coalition of activists decided to take a stand against the billionaires who are greedily monopolizing resources, buying our democracy, and destroying the planet for profit.

Sunrise, an organization of mostly young activists, put out the call but in an effort to prevent the info leaks to the police that have plagued several recent actions, in order to get any details other than the date we had to show up at a meeting the evening before.

I ducked out of work early not knowing what to expect and made my way down to Judson, where people were gathering in the former gym.  It’s a big, unfurnished space and when I got there, young organizers were kneeling on the floor drawing on big pieces of paper and stacks of pizza boxes covered a table.  I grabbed one of the handful of chairs scattered on the far side of the room, which wound up being the section of older activists while everybody else sat on the floor.  Looking at them made me remember being a teen activist.

The meeting was supposed to start at 6pm, and then 6:30pm, and Ken and I started to get a little impatient by the time they finally started at 6:45pm.  The scenario was presented – blockade all of the entrances of the stock exchange by breaking into five teams.

Ben, Micah and I were all on Ryan’s team, the one assigned to jump the low fence and chain on to the stock exchange.  I have done many chaining actions - although usually with a chain around my waist rather than the over the shoulder crisscross they had planned – but there is just no way I can jump even a fairly low fence at this point.  Ben wasn’t up for chaining, so Ryan asked us to block a gate on the outside of the fence, and we figured we might be able to intercept and distract some security or cops to buy them time.

This action, as one young queer organizer pointed out, was an echo of the early ACT UP actions, including the one where they got inside and dropped a “Sell Wellcome” banner from the balcony, targeting the pharmaceutical company that was charging exorbitant prices for the first toxic, not very effective anti-HIV drug.  Later, finding myself beside them, I told them we also did a stock exchange action for ACT UP’s 10th anniversary.  That action was some of the worst police violence I have personally experienced.  Half a dozen of us filed a federal civil rights violation lawsuit about their conduct and won, but not until after Bill Thorne, whose head they slammed into the pavement while calling him a “diseased faggot” died of AIDS.

We met back up at Judson in the morning, gathered our signs and props and put on our  action t-shirts and then a layer over them.  The chainers practiced chaining, we practiced chants and songs, gave our phones and things to support.  The plan was for us all to take the train downtown.  “Not at all conspicuous,” I said.

Despite the secrecy, I thought the police might know because we all had the tracking devices known as cell phones on us at the meeting, but when we got there, there was no sign of increased security.  Ben bent down so some of the others could use his back to boost them over the fence, and then Ben decided to hop the fence too. That was one of those moments when the anger at my body surges through me, but I had the banner in my hand, so I gave the other end to someone else and we stretched it out in front of the fence.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them take Ryan down hard, sending him sprawling on his back.  Then a Reuters photographer next to me started yelling across to somebody, asking if he should call someone for them and I realized they had detained a journalist along with our group (she was eventually released).

The police response was bizarre – there was a lot of wandering around and consulting each other, and additional high ranking white shirts kept arriving until six of them were on the scene.  They cuffed the fence-hoppers and then left them standing there in cuffs for a very long time.  In the meantime, they left the other groups sitting on the ground in front of various gates and the rest of the people held a raucous rally complete with a Blackrock pinata stuffed full of fake cash.  A man in a yarmulke passing by started persistently heckling the rally and wound up surrounded by the RMO musicians drowning him out.  Three more young Israeli men – who didn’t know the first – climbed up on the street furniture and joined in the heckling.

Eventually my leg wouldn’t let me stand any longer, so I went and sat on a stone bench with a view of our handcuffed people – after seeing Ryan go down, I wanted to be able to see what happened when they finally came to move them.  Once they took them, I went and sat down with another group, next to a young man in a tallis.  “I didn’t have Israeli bros heckling the rally on my dance card,” he said.  Eventually a tall, white haired white shirt showed up and the police started moving in and grabbed the group at the opposite end.  When they got to us, he said, “we’re not going to arrest you for blocking this gate because they don’t use it” and moved on.  

We notified the lead organizers and they told us to hold position, so we did until they told us to go join another group.  On our way to do that, things started getting chaotic and all of us remaining wound up crammed into a single narrow block.  I suddenly realized I had lost track of our close support who had my fleece - and that my passport was in the fleece.  In an impressive feat of organizing, the lead I told was able to relay the message and somehow the fleece found its way back to me.  While I was waiting, I said to Ken, who had been following all this with his camera, that maybe this was a message from the universe – or my unconscious – saying I shouldn’t get arrested this time.

But then when they handed me the fleece, I went back to my position.  They started arresting people at the far end, and a row of young officers formed in front of us and started pushing us back toward the building behind us. We expected they would grab us next, but then they just seemed to give up and left the rest of us there.

By then I had lost track of everyone I knew, so I walked down to bowling green in the warm sun to claim my property from support.  Then I made my way back up to West 4th, grabbed a cup of tea to refuel, and went to join Rise and Resist for the big march back down to Foley Square.  By the time we got there, my legs were in full rebellion – it was a challenge to hobble to the R train and head home.  When I got home, I looked at my phone and realized I had walked 10,300 steps, so I couldn’t be too mad at my legs.

Texting Lucy later while resting my legs, it dawned on me and I typed, “did I just do all that to prove I can still do something?”  Her answer was simple, “yes.””