On Monday 2/26, we met at 5:30pm Stonewall Inn.
"We are here in grief and rage... to speak out about Nex," I said at the vigil for the fallen Oklahoma teen, bullied and murdered. The event was led by New Alternatives, an organization serving homeless/at-risk LGBTQ youth and young adults. Additional organizers included Gays Against Guns, Rise and Resist, Stop the Coup, and other LGBTQ+ activists and community members who gathered outside the historic Stonewall Inn for a candlelight vigil in memory of Nex Benedict on Fed. 26th. The non-binary 16-year-old died after being beaten by classmates in the bathroom of an Oklahoma high school. "Nex could have been any of us or our kids. Silence equals death. We won't be silent.” We won’t let Nex’s story be pushed under the rug. The school where Nex was bullied had already failed to report the fight or call for immediately help for the teen after they were jumped by three other classmates in the bathroom. “We have a terrific group of speakers. lets give em our attention," I concluded. Speakers included actor and activist Sara Ramirez, drag performer Marti Cummings, teacher Jo Macellaro, Gays Against Guns’ Jay W.Walker, Co Founder of the Queer Liberation March and New Alternatives’ Kevin Johnson-Schmidt, a former homeless transgender youth, and Ken Kidd, of Queer Nation and Gays against Guns.
"Remember Nex," we chanted, amidst a sea of candles as the sun went down. "It has to stop."
"We are all Nex!!!" we screamed, recalling vigils held here in 1979 after Harvey Milk was shot, his assassin given a slap on the wrist. Riots and candlelight vigils followed. “We all live in San Francisco,” declared activists on this same corner all those years ago, fighting those same forces of hate, once again, standing on Christopher St.
"We love you!" the crowd roared, in support of others facing the same forces that killed Nex.
Kate Barnhart, Executive Director of New Alternatives says, “Across the country, politically it is open season on transgender and non-binary peoples’ right, with hundreds of bills stripping fundamentals such as bathroom access and access to medical care. These legislative attacks, which treat transgender and non-binary people, as unworthy and even threatening, open the door to transphobia and hate. It is no coincidence that a non-binary teen was killed in a school bathroom in Oklahoma, a state which passed a transgender bathroom ban in 2022.”
As Jay W Walker put it, "The rising tide of vitriolic, right-wing, anti-LGBTQIA2S – particularly anti-Trans – rhetoric and legislation across the country amounts to stochastic terrorism and directly inspires violence against like the vicious attack that killed Nex Benedict." Jay spoke about the scapegoating that targets outsiders, someone to blame for an economic system, he pointed out, highlighting the work of Project 2025. We’ve been through a lot, said Walker; we survived the bashings of the 1980’s and 1990’s, at least some of us. We survived AIDS, at least some of us did. And we’ll beat this.
Ken Kidd confessed that he has not done enough of late. But it could have been any of us, he explained. Years ago, it was him. After escaping the South, he found a place in NYC. But he was also jumped and bashed, just about died. After that he became activated, speaking out, joining ACT UP. The difference between Nex and me is I survived, said Kidd. “Grateful to have been able to participate in the vigil for Nex Benedict at Stonewall. I said after Pulse, to a crowd assembled on that very same spot, that we would never be silent again. We still owe it to our LGBTQ+ community NOT to be.”
Jo Macchiato posted a note about the evening:
“I was honored to speak this evening at the memorial for Nex Benedict at Stonewall. People have asked me to share what I said, so here it is. I don't know how accurate what I wrote is to what I actually said - I was so furious and emotional my hands were shaking and I couldn't see what I wrote very well - but this is at least what I had planned to say. I will be sharing action steps for people to take when I have the capacity to do so. In the meantime, tell the trans and gender expansive people you know that you love them. Thank you to @katebarnhart1975 @benjaminshepard and @new_alternatives_nyc for organizing the vigil and asking me to speak. Thank you @therealsararamirez for speaking after me and not before me because I don't know if I could have followed you…. trans and non-binary people do exist, and we will always exist."
Stop the Coup 2025, an organization founded to oppose the GOP’s rightwing blueprint, states: “Nex Benedict’s tragic death reminds us that words are weapons when fueled by hate. They are behind policies that are fostering hate in Oklahoma and across America. We must oppose that hatred. As we join millions to express our sorrow at their death, we call on America to oppose the plans of right-wing groups who view trans lives as criminal and not worth protecting. We invite them to sound the alarm about Project 2025 and oppose the GOP’s vision of an America that would strip LGBTQ Americans of our right to equality and safety and the same federal protections and guarantees as others. “
I heard about Nex from a post from Joe the week prior. And then a few by Kimya Dawson to her fans that brought tears to my eyes:
“RIP Nex. This is horrifying. 💔* * *
via @lgbtqnation
Nex Benedict — a nonbinary, Native American, 16-year-old sophomore — was reportedly beaten to death on February 7 by three older female students in the bathroom of Owasso High School in Oklahoma. The school refused to call an ambulance for the injured teen and didn’t inform police of the attack until Benedict was later admitted into the hospital — they died from their injuries the next day. Web commenters are blaming Oklahoma’s top education official, Ryan Walters, for Benedict’s death as Walters has pushed inflammatory anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric during his tenure. Walters also recently hired anti-LGBTQ+ hate activist Chaya Raichik, who goes by Libs of TikTok on social media, for a state school book-banning committee after she targeted the Owasso school district for employing a pro-LGBTQ+ teacher who was later fired.
“My last post about Nex was just a shared post about what happened and I wanted to make another post to make sure that all the queer, trans/nonbinary, and two spirit kids out there (whether I know you personally or not) really know, without a doubt, that I love and support you. You are valid. You are beautiful. You deserve to be here. You deserve to be happy. I love that you make up such a big part of my fanbase. I love seeing you all out there watching me play. I love that you feel safe at my shows. And I want you to know that you make me feel safe at my shows. I would rather play for a bunch of sweet youth than in a bar full of drunk people any day. I don’t understand why some people don’t like playing all ages shows. It’s the best. You all genuinely make my life richer. You make me braver and stronger and more inspired. You make me feel joy and nostalgia and hope.”
“Murderred” wrote Ken, when I posted a note for Nex.
I called Kate of New Alternatives, to ask if she knew about vigils or plans for Nex. No, said Kate. I guess we need to organize something. And that was that. We started calling friends, including Jay W Walker, who’d been involved in the Matthew Shepard political funeral a quarter century prior.
And put out a call for action with a date and a place to meet.
And soon enough more and more people were posting reactions to the brutal murder.
My friend Billy Livsey posted a memory about Matthew Shepard that brought me back to a very strange time, when I was first becoming an activist. Those were days when homophobia was thought to be a thing of the past. Yet, the deaths, the bashings, the neglect continued around the country. Arrested after some five thousand people showed up at our march, we talked about Matthew Shepard and what he went through all night long in jail. It wasn’t a surprise when we heard about Wyoming. Livsey recalled:
·
“NEX BENEDICT ............IN 1998 there was the brutal murder of Matthew Shepard. It sent a message to every Queer person that not only were we not welcome, but that we were also a target for hate and that we’re not safe. I was bullied in school, I knew I had to keep who I was hidden in fear of receiving more. I regret not speaking up then. So, I hid. It was a different world. Time went on. I found my voice. The world progressed. Queers could be who we want. Love who we want. Have rights and protections. We let our guard down, relaxed our shoulders, and breathed for once. We took what little crumbs of “equality” the country was finally granting us and celebrated as if we were victorious. We wore our rose colored glasses and believed things were getting better after decades of fighting… It’s not.
USA is devolving. Books are being burned. In America. In the year 2024! Queer history is being erased, basic rights/protections/health care are being taken away, and the propaganda hate mongers are working full force to spread misinformation against a marginalized group of people who just want to be. A lot of the country is not safe for the Queer community. We can’t even use the bathroom without mass hysteria brought on by fake news. We, as citizens, are not safe. Why??
Decades after Matthew Shepard… Here we are yet again. Another brutal murder, Nex Benedict, a 16 year old child, endured the same fate as Matthew Shepard in Oklahoma this week. I am 59 It’s 25 years later. I am beyond horrified. I am sad, sickened, and angry as hell. Angry this happened. Angrier that it’s still happening and that no one in my community is safe just for existing. This was a child. Oklahoma just passed an Anti-Trans bathroom bill. Libs of TikTok’s Chaya Raichik & Ryan Walters the OK superintendent, targeted schools in OK to spew anti-trans rhetoric, burn books and ban literature. Nex Benedict’s blood is on every single one of those peoples hands that want to erase us. Failed by the school/teacher/school nurse/hospital/and the State. Hell, the whole country.
The difference between then and now is—I’m not hiding and I’m not going to. Never. Ever. Again. And I’m certainly not the only one. We’re in this together. This tragedy will not put the Queer community and youth back in the closet where the hate mongers want us. In fact, it’s going to do just the opposite. Nex Benedict’s death will not be in vain.
There will be justice. Better yet… There will be the new Queer revolution. It has started and we’re ready. We won’t stop now… This is war. They pushed. We’re pushing back. For every Queer person, young and old, this country has failed throughout history. For every person hiding who they are out of fear. For the ones gone too soon for one reason or another. For the ones before us and after us. For Matthew Shepard.
We will rise.
We will fight!
We will not be silenced!!
FOR NEX BENEDICT!!!”
All week I tried to get a grip on what happened to Nex in the bathroom and afterward. What we know is they died the day after being jumped in the bathroom. And I thought about the ways we all cope with toxic masculinity, the incessant bullying, demands that we conform to stereotypes, to be butch, play football, and fit in, instead of listen to ourselves and others, or try to understand. I am getting knee surgery this weekend from an injury I incurred in high school football, that has had long time consequences. I was trying to fit in, instead of being bullied for playing the cello. Writing for the NY Times, Margaret Renkl, put it,
“Of all the wrenching details that have emerged in news coverage of Nex Benedict’s death, the one that broke my heart in two was a comment by the woman who raised them. “Nex did not see themselves as male or female,” Sue Benedict told Bevan Hurley of The Independent. “Nex saw themselves right down the middle. I was still learning about it, Nex was teaching me that.” This grandmother in Oklahoma wasn’t condemning a child she didn’t understand. She was listening. She was learning. She was trying to understand. Don’t we all owe it to our children to listen?”
We organized all week.
On Sunday at EarthChurch, Billy gave a hell of a sermon about people coming to New York and becoming parts of ourselves. And @savitrid.nyc helped me make an announcement about the vigil for Nex, Monday at 530 at Stonewall. There is too much hate out there. Vigils would take place across the country. People from across the city joined us and send out calls for solidarity and support, reminding us to connect the dots between struggles, to call out efforts to scapegoat or marginalize or watch space gradually erode for civil liberties, one book bans that feel like 1933, one stem cell research ban at a time.
Certainly there is always more we could have done to make the event more inclusive, to add more voices and points of view. Still, many were moved and glad to speak out.
“Thank you for helping to organize this much needed community event. And thank you for fighting for me and all of us. We are all family.”
We can all organize. And remind the world we can’t be silent.
A STATEMENT OF SOLIDARITY AND CALL FOR JUSTICE RIP Nex Benedict Speak Out to Defend Trans Lives and Demand Justice! Nex Benedict, a nonbinary student from Owasso, Oklahoma, died on February 8, 2024, two days after being severely beaten by three older female students in a bathroom at their high school. The official cause of death has not yet been determined, and police are investigating. We add our voice to a groundswell of collective grief and a demand for justice to investigate the circumstances of Benedict’s death, a young teenager bullied for being nonbinary. Their death highlights the backlash against nonbinary and trans lives in Oklahoma and the US being led by right-wing groups. Nex Benedict’s death is a tragedy – not only a personal one for their family, but for everyone who cares about having the freedom to express their gender in any way they wish to, and to receive appropriate gender-affirming care. Unfortunately, the recent trend in the US has been to restrict that freedom. Oklahoma, Nex’s home state, has declared legislative war on trans and nonbinary people. We see a clear connection between this hateful anti-LGBTQ rhetoric and the bullying of trans and nonbinary people. Legislation that restricts the freedom and legitimacy of trans and nonbinary people gives permission for others to attack. Here are some examples of that: • In May 2022, Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt signed a bill that forbids youth to use restrooms that match their gender identity. • In March 2022, Stitt signed a bill banning trans women or girls in public schools from competing on sports teams consistent with their gender. • In May 2023, Stitt signed a bill banning gender-affirming care for anyone under 18. • Oklahoma’s Superintendent of Public Schools also appointed Chaya Raichik – a well-known social media influencer who spreads anti-trans rhetoric – to a state library advisory board. Other states have passed similar legislation, and many more are trying to do so. Unfortunately, this is just the beginning of what the right wing wants to do. That is also why we launched our new public education and mobilization campaign, Stop The Coup 2025 -- to sound the alarm about the right-wing’s threat to further harm transgender Americans. Project 2025 is a nearly 1000-page conservative party electoral blueprint released by the Heritage Foundation that calls for the systematic dismantling of the federal government and for giving unprecedented power to the President, ending our system of checks and balances. It is a blueprint for autocracy. Project 2025 also seeks to turn US into a A public education and mobilization campaign www.stopthecoup2025.org white nationalist theocracy, ruled by the Bible, not secular law and our Constitution. Project 2025 takes aim at trans and other LGBTQ people who are criminalized in their extremist plan to remake America and ‘purify’ it. • In the name of “protecting children,” Project 2025 wants to cleanse school libraries of any reference to trans or LGBTQ+ people – and punish teachers and school librarians who don’t obey. • Project 2025 labels “trans ideology” as pornography, and plan to imprison those to produce or distribute it. • Project 2025 says parents or physicians who reassign the sex of a minor are committing child abuse. • Project 2025 argues that sex is only binary – the authors call that a “biological reality” assigned at birth – and refuse to recognize anyone who doesn’t fit in the binary box. • Project 2025 states that schools will be forbidden to use any name not written on a student’s birth certificate. • Project 2025 would no longer allow transgender Americans to serve in the military. The extremist right wing of the US conservative party has united behind Project 2025: already 100 groups are listed as advisors. Their goal is to roll back the critical rights and freedoms we have gained for Black and Brown Americans, for LGBTQ people, and for all Americans who believe in our Constitution, and the separation of Church and State, and our hard-won freedom to express our gender in any way we wish. Nex Benedict’s tragic death reminds us that words are weapons when fueled by hate. They are behind policies that are fostering hate against LGBTQ+ people in Oklahoma and across America. We must oppose that hatred. As we join millions to express our sorrow at their death, we call on America to oppose the plans of right-wing groups who view nonbinary and trans lives as criminal and not worth protecting. We invite them to sound the alarm about Project 2025 and oppose the GOP’s vision of an America that would strip LGBTQ Americans of the right to equality and safety and the same federal protections and guarantees as others. Demand justice for Nex Benedict! Demand an end to state-sponsored attacks on LGBTQ lives! In solidarity with nonbinary and trans lives, Stop The Coup 2025
