Tuesday, November 26, 2024

BEHEMOTH, Jonah and Me

This blogger reading, by 






BEHEMOTH, Jonah and Me



My friend Brad Vogol invited me to take part in a poetry reading on Monday, November 25th from 7:00 pm - 8:30 pm at the Gowanus Dredgers Boathouse 165 2nd Street. The show would be in conjunction with Jos Prol's show "ARRIVALS" featuring the installation "Leviathan.”  The readers sat about the shadows of lost objects found in the Gowanus, resembling a whale vertebrae, reading poems into the night. 


Drafting my contribution (see below), I got thinking about the week before, the post election ups and downs, the birthday weekend, Moby Dick and our struggles with the unknown, with nature, with something so much larger than any of us. 


The weekend had been a full one, dinners with friends, a trip to see A Real Pain, a movie about a family heritage road trip through Warsaw, not unlike the one Will and I had two years prior, with some of the same ups and downs. 


Mom and I toasted to the fall colors on Saturday, and friends came over to celebrate, shaking it late into the night.  Everyone needs a little tenderness, not blame or condemnation.


Sunday, I woke  up feeling refreshed after a night of dancing and birthday fun with my tribe. Rode to Judson for the Thanksgiving service to hear Micah preach, reflecting on Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s After Ten Years, first published in Germany in December 1942:

"We have been silent witnesses of evil deeds. We have become cunning and learned the arts of obfuscation and equivocal speech. Experience has rendered us suspicious of human beings, and often we have failed to speak to them a true and open word. Unbearable conflicts have worn us down or even made us cynical. Are we still of any use? We will not need geniuses, cynics, people who have contempt for others, or cunning tacticians, but simple, uncomplicated, and honest human beings. Will our inner strength to resist what has been forced on us have remained strong enough, and our honesty with ourselves blunt enough, to find our way back to simplicity and honesty?”

Shared a community meal and walked through the Village, looking at the pigeons, thinking about Doris, and my friends shaking off the blues, trying to reconcile themselves with the new reality, off to Rays with Ray, chatting with Dana in Tompkins, gossiping, watching football with buddies from Budapest, greeting Abby at Lucky, back to meet Baby C in Brooklyn, glad to be with my tribe.

I came home and drafted my poem for the reading.


***

 

Jonah and Me


I looked at down at the water flying back into JFK, at the archipelago, noticing something strange below, back from an escape to Europe, to the the ‘as the world turns,’ topsy turvy, revolution embracing, repelling, repulsing, schizoid USA, somewhere down in the water below. 


Back to my novel, Blood Meridian, by Cormac McCarthy:


“They were watching, out there past men’s knowledge, where stars are drowning and whales ferry their vast souls through the black and seamless sea.”

I felt the water moving within me, shaking, trembling, a pit in my stomach, tidal waves inside.  

A glimpse of the news, cyber wars on the horizon, blackouts separating, jolting us into a cataclysm. 

This coming and that. 

Second comings and third,

Enemies lists, 

Ominous forebodings. 

I always wondered what it was like for Jonah.

Did he see it coming, the Leviathan the water. 

Did he know? 


Had he really crossed a line, or betrayed God, or himself or his community?


Stuck inside, the whale enveloping him, deep in the recesses of his mind, in an underworld, with nothing but his own fear and insecurities.


Locked in solitary, like Reinaldo, caught at the beach, in a prison in Cuba, panicking as the gates shut in on him. 


Like the Irish freedom fighters left behind, in tiny prisons, fearing retribution. 


The whale taking him deeper and deeper. 


What would become of any of us the day after?


Sometimes it still grasps at me, like that day in 1980 when I imagined the worst had already happened after watching that bad anti-nukes movie.


 I still remember the feeling when we woke up and it hadn’t happened. 


Or maybe the whale is in our belly?


In our heads, that Behemoth, a primordial monster, that dinosaur in the Book of Job, “moveth his tail like a cedar.”  A force inside of us, leading backwards, forward, and into the trenches, 

enveloped in the mud in Flanders Field, along with us.


The other. 


Chasing the whale throughout the ocean. 


Omnipotence. We stumble. 


We all get thrown overboard from time to time. 


Is there something I forgot to do, to prepare for, something lurking, I'm ignoring? 


"We have been silent witnesses of evil deeds,” says Dietrich Bonhoeffer,

“we have been drenched by many storms; we have learnt the arts of equivocation and pretence…”


Enveloped in darkness... 

I lose you, looking through time, searching, flying to and from, but where are you, back in the whale, sinking?


Dreams. 


Waking. 


Back in Brooklyn, a sunny morning on my bike, on my way to yoga, 

Oooohhhmmmm together, sunlight splashing across the studio, bodies stretching, dancing warriors. 


The city opening, bodies in motion, across the borough’s magic light, moving, alive, Balkan beats, screaming into the day, you gotta have house, and poems on the waterfront, dancing into the morning, the sun shining, mist blowing in the afternoon at Mr Sunday, like it did when we were together that day on the Gowanus a long time ago. 
















 






Friday, November 22, 2024

“filled with echoes” Brussels, Pedro Páramo, and a lingering feeling

 


Johan-grimonprez-love-is-louder-bozar-brussels-2024-installation-view_01-kristof-de-clercq-gallery-we-document-art


The Blind Leading the Blind. Pieter Bruegel the Elder 


 “filled with echoes” Brussels, Pedro Páramo, and a lingering feeling

 

"Everything passes except the past," the words greet you at the Africa Museum in Brussels. I’d been spending the weekend exploring, looking at the messy history of this place, its entangled relationship with colonialization and decolonization, some art, hanging out with my ever-supportive comrades, enjoying frites and beer at the brasseries here, away from the crazy USA, but never far from what got us here.

I arrived on Friday.

It's a ten-minute ride from the airport to town. A grey fall day, the morning train took us past an old world landscape near Flanders, where the world burned, bodies enveloped in ditches some hundred-plus years prior. That “war to end all wars” left us with still more wars, between nations, ideologies, economic systems, ever-expanding inequalities, conflicts, immigrants and asylum seekers ever moving between borders.  I’m trying to understand how the pieces fit together and separate, ever-clashing and connecting, fissures reappearing after repairs.

I get off at Gare du Norde. A quick glimpse, you can take in the world outside this dingy train station, Romanians working the windows, Moroccans and Sub-Saharan Africans selling their wares, inquiring if you want anything, European diplomats and Brussels bureaucrats strolling looking for something on their way to catch a train. Sometimes it feels abundant, this mix; others, there’s something amiss, a feeling that someone is being cheated, displaced or left behind, chasing a buzz, hoping to hold oblivion at bay. People are everywhere, from everywhere, women in burkas, with kids in strollers, an African vibe, a desultory feeling, the space ever mixing, “people of foreign origin making up the region's population. Approximately 32% of residents are of non-Belgian European origin, and 36% are of other backgrounds, mostly Moroccan, Turkish, and Sub-Saharan African.” Outside the station, bodegas drape flags from Morocco, Albania, and here; groups of men fill the street, finding their way. In Afropean: Notes from Black Europe, Johny Pitts recalls a trip, with two such men, apparently from Morocco, trying to mug him there. I think about the lives they live, not quite seen, or embraced. The 2005 riots in Paris testify to that sense of neglect and dislocation, invisibility and stigma, in Europe but still not welcome, working but not feeling a part of progress, wanting a better life, not just more work, still seen as threats. Walking through the train station, I think about the immigrants arriving, who’ve been part of this story, subject to their own sense of contestation. Reactions and counter-reactions with greater intensity election after election, from the US to Germany. Mix this with a brutal colonial history; it's a long shadow, ever stretching, backward and forward, connecting a cruel past to present migrations,  inequalities, labor, and politics.  “Living and breathing, and deeply embedded in its society’s hierarchies, lurking just out of sight, haunting its systems,” writes Pitts, reflecting on his own trip here, thinking about the colonial system fashioned after the Berlin Conference of 1884-5, mapping European colonization of Africa during the New Imperialism period, with millions of casualties, murdered, maimed, lost hands, starved in the Congo under Belgian rule. All the while Leopold II claimed to be helping, civilizing the people, as the Belgians plundered, extracting resources, ivory. Another 100,000 were massacred in the battle for liberation in the early 1960’s, with pre-colonial tribal conflicts taking shape, and ethnic identities renewed, followed by still more conflicts and subsequent genocide in RwandaLiving in San Francisco then, I recall reading about the quarter million people who had died in Rwanda in a month alone in 1994. That was as many as had died in the previous dozen-plus years of years of AIDS in San Francisco, with the scars of those years, death, wasting syndrome, KS lesions. Many argue that the roots of the genocide, with its conflict between the Tutsi and Hutu, can be located in Belgian colonial rule. “The minority Tutsi (14%) were favoured over the Hutus (85%),” during those years.  They were given privileges and Western-style education, while the Hutus were the oppressed masses. In 1959, the Hutus rebelled against the Belgian colonial power and the Tutsi elite, forcing some 150,000 Tutsis to flee to Burundi….”  I had no idea. That felt real, like something to figure out. 

In Black Masks and White Faces, Franz Fanon writes about the wounds he saw in colonized bodies, the restrictions, the mechanisms of social control, as a sort of double consciousness took shape. “Sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong,” he writes. “When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn't fit in with the core belief.” You see this in the US,

In The Souls of Black Folk, W.E.B. Du Bois writes about the strange feeling of navigating more than one social identity. For W.E.B. Du Bois, this was its own double or dual consciousness.

For a while there during the war, Fannon defended the colonists, only changing his mind when he saw the Black soldiers returning as second-class citizens once the war was over. Fanon realized he had fought to liberate France, but not himself. He came to see himself as a citizen of the world, not necessarily France. “I am black,” he said. “I am in total fusion with the world, in sympathetic affinity with the earth, losing my id in the heart of the cosmos … I am truly a drop of sun under the earth.”

Walking about looking for the way to the museum, a conductor inside gives me train directions, South to Rogier to Arts Loi station, and East to Montgomery, where I catch the 44 tram East across town, yellow leaves strewn about, through the suburbs. It takes almost an hour, with a detour to a bus, before arriving at the last stop, Tervuren. Outside I see a sign for the Africa Museum, long known as the Royal Museum for Central Africa. Walking the vast expansive, manicured lawns, toward what looks like a palace, it feels like Versailles. I’m reminded of the feeling in Hong Kong, wondering about the unknown workers, who carried the bricks, to create these colonial grounds. The museum has only recently reopened after a long renovation, with new a self-conscious reflection on itself, as a sort of museum inside of a museum.

“The museum’s origins,” says a sign at the entrance.

“The 1897 Universal Exposition in Brussels gave King Leopold II an opportunity to promote his colonial project through an exhibition and a human zoo in Tervuren, 267 Congalese, seven of whom lost their lives, were put on display.”

Human zoo, I cringe, recalling similar human zoos, with living people on display in museums, including the Bronx Zoo and others across the US.

In 1910 the museum opened as a home to Leopold’s colonial propaganda thinly veiled as a “scientific institution.”

“Today, the museum is a place of memory for this colonial past…” says the renovated language at the entrance.

Inside, display cases are filled with animals in formaldehyde, an elephant skull, mounted butterflies,  and depictions of colonial rule; exhibitions trace histories of the slave trade extending from Europe to Africa, the Caribbean to the Americas, lost stories, and efforts at remembering and reconnecting. Despite its makeover, an old colonial stench remains. It's hard to scratch it out, or take it in.

And back to Louise, I travel to find my hosts. 

Away from the crazy USA, with its own feelings of occupation and double consciousness, it's hard not to think about what happened the week prior. 

On the way out of town, I got word about my friend Morgan, who left this life for a living theater, communing with the dead, the earth, and the stars. 

I think about her playing a storm, playing Sandy, years prior.

What a wondrous soul. So many magic moments. Godspeed. Goodbye friend.  RiP Mogan.

The night before Jay Walker stood up at the mic, reminding us to stay organized at the Center.

And our two little ones, looked out at the world, discussing the news of the day.

Mom and Shannon and I reflected on The Blind Leading the Blind, the painting by Pieter Bruegel the Elder. 

We looked at found objects in the Gowanus as fires burned in Prospect Park.

And went dancing at the Poppers Party at C'Mon Evrrybody.

And I walked, thinking about the moment, thinking about the week before.

Displaced in place says the graffiti on Saturday in the East Village.

Across the city,  people were meeting and trying to make of the strange deja vu gripping the city.

I join my heartbroken colleagues to hit the streets for the Protect Our Futures March. People carry signs with the words, solidarity is the solution. We have to look our for each other, for the vulnerable, for each other, to continue to inquire and connect, and see each other, and support each other, without letting anyone go, hold everyone’s hands.

“People are not going to die,” says Karen, my friend from ACT UP and WHAM! 

I know. I know. 

Looking about members of my union were out, along with climate activists, sharing space, a little solidarity. Lots of hugs, lots of connections. 

We walk from the West Village into the East, past a torn Ukraine flag, wondering about what the future has in store for us, over soup at B and H Deli, stopping by Village Works, finding respite in the magic bookstore, and the cool cat who lives there.

Later that afternoon, we unpack a ghost story. Juan Rulfo writes: 

"I came to Comala because I was told that my father, a certain Pedro Páramo, lived here. My mother told me so. And I promised her that I would come to see him as soon as she died. I squeezed her hands as a sign that I would do so, for she was about to die and I was in the mood to promise everything. "Don't forget to go and visit him," she recommended….”I'm sure he'll be happy to meet you." So I couldn't do anything else but tell her that I would do so, and after telling her so many times I kept telling her even after my hands had a hard time getting away from her dead hands."

Arriving, our protagonist notices: "This town is filled with echoes.”  Everyone seems to know something about Pedro Páramo.  A woman, Damiana, leads Juan Preciado, through the empty, eerie, otherworldly Comala. He hears more cries, more echos:  “It's like they were trapped behind the walls, or beneath the cobblestones. When you walk you feel like someone's behind you, stepping in your footsteps. You hear rustlings. And people laughing. Laughter that sounds used up. And voices worn away by the years”.

Someone is behind you, ahead of you. A story that came before.  Juan listens to story after story. Everyone knows his father, has something to say about his cruelty.  His name “rock” and “barren plain.” A picture starts to take shape of a landowner, a harsh, feudal lord, a  womanizer, who owns much of the land around Comala, who nonetheless left the community with little to nothing, just ghosts, and lingering resentments. 

“It's a story about our current moment,” says Mark.

That night, we met at the baths, thinking about stories as the blue sky turned to water, lives in flux, hot water turning to steam, evaporating into the sky. The giggling continued long into the night, into our dreams, trying to avoid another exploration, another reconciliation with a reality that seemed very dark, very banal.

Harvard ethics professor Christopher Robichaud put it:

“Everyone in the days and weeks ahead will use this loss as an opportunity to seek validation for their own hobby horse complaint. Harris lost because she campaigned with Liz Cheney. Harris lost because she didn't embrace Gaza. Harris lost because she didn't choose Shapiro. Harris lost because she wasn't progressive enough. Take a good hard look at the map, my friends. Trump has won the popular vote. Trump ran the table. Explaining that with your hobby horse issue isn't going to cut it, tempting and consoling as it may be. The problem isn't the electoral college. The problem isn't that we didn't have a full primary. The problem isn't Harris. The problem isn't that Dems didn't have the right message. The problem isn't even inflation or the border. The problem is so much worse than any of those things. Those are all technical problems, with straightforward expertise fixes. If only it were so! No, our problem is not technical. It's very much adaptive. A party that embraced the Big Lie, supported an insurrection, and has been selling conspiracy-addled madness for years was widely and enthusiastically embraced. Voter turnout was profound! People didn't sit this out. Simply put, the problem--as some of you have rightly posted--is cultural. America, culturally, has completely abandoned a politics of decency and respect and has embraced instead a politics of resentment, revenge, false nostalgia, and bullying.”

It was a good time to get away.

I planned the trip months before I knew the results. But was glad to have the opportunity to leave. James and Jarno were in town. Over the last few years, I’ve come to Brussels many times for my friendship research. This trip would be no different. Stopping on the 93 Tram stop at Palais, I look for Bozar, the arts center, where a poster announces, “Love is Louder.” It is on exhibition, along with “Friends, Lovers, Partners” about Hans and Sophie Arp. Each concerns questions about romantic love, intimacy and romance, kinship and friendship, as well as community and solidarity. Take a long loop, exploring them both, the guard tells me. I read about the multilayered story of Hans and Sophie Arp, as artistic collaborators, supporting each other, and finding notoriety, before the bombs start falling. They’d been partners for as long as he could remember. They met after one of her opening on the 6th of February 1916, collaborating for the next quarter century, before the war. The two decide to stay in France, rather than go into exile in the US.  In 1943, Taeuber-Arp missed a tram home. Instead, she slept in a summer house covered in snow in Zurich, Switzerland, where carbon monoxide poisoning killed Sophie Taeuber-Arp on January 13, 1943. “Sophie Dreamed Sophie Painted Sophie Danced,” Jean wrote after Sophie perished. Jean was left to remember and carry on, both her work and his, poem after poem:

“Sophie 

Hearts are stars

Blooming in men.

All flowers are heavens.

All heavens are flowers. 

All flowers glow

All heavens bloom. 

I speak little everyday sentences

Softly to myself

To give myself courage,

To deceive myself

To forget the great suffering, 

The helpless, in which we live,

I speak little everyday sentences.”      

 

I walked between the two shows all afternoon, visiting the Arps and contemplating the questions about love and friendship,

Love is Louder explores the many facets of love, its tensions, and its various forms. Navigating between the personal and the political, the exhibition will zoom in on three dimensions of love: romantic love, kinship and friendship, and love in a broader social context.
From the Summer of Love of 1967 to today, the exhibition will show how in the last 50 years we have moved beyond the image of the traditional couple or the nuclear family, how friendships shape us and what it means to put love at the heart of society. Discover the work of 80 national and international artists in a wide range of media such as painting, sculpture, video, film and multimedia installations. In times of increasing polarization, the exhibition focuses on what connects us, because: Love is louder.”

 

We keep walking into the night, wondering about what happened to that love and kinship.

Trying to figure it out, we drive through a gorgeous fall day to Aachen, near Germany’s borders with Belgium and the Netherlands. Arriving, we looked to get a glimpse inside the Aachen Cathedral where Charlemagne's throne is said to sit. But I wouldn't know. The door guard turns us away, while letting in locals for a kid’s book reading. It was like we were back in line for the techno clubs in Berlin. The more I begged and told him we came from the USA, the more he hardened his line. One of many comical moments on the road.  We did get into the Domschatzkammer (treasury), to see the medieval artifacts and shrines of Charlemagne, who was buried there in 814 A.D. Even more lucky for us, we got to see the ulna and radius from his right arm. I do love seeing the remains from such notables. Back in Brussels, the ridiculous fun continued with a lovely birthday meal at La Quincallierie, a classic Belgian brasserie. For the next few years, I'm not so sure we are going to be as welcomed here. After dinner, we heard Biden released restrictions on US  missiles sent from Ukraine. Things feel like they are heating. They are lining up the clown car, a health secretary who doesn’t believe in vaccines. And a defense secretary who doesn't believe in germs. Europe is little weary. So are we.

We stay up late talking about it all, the violence in The Vegetarian, the novel by Han Kang,  a parable on social expectations and the pressure to conform, within South Korea I read on the way, the cruelty of Pedro Paramo, a brutal landowner, ever displacing and eluding justice, the colonial system of inequalities that never quite goes away, casting shadows, the ghost of Damiana, leading Juan Preciado through Comala, the 44 tram East to Tervuren, where that the Human Zoo was on display not that long ago, the possibility of the sign at the demo, “Love is Louder” and the mishap which robbed Jean of Sophie, leaving him to remember her, the poison that ended the affair in the novel, the missiles flying to and from Ukraine, conflict reverberating, the view of Flanders Field.

 “This town is filled with echoes…”