Friday, April 17, 2020

Senior Year


 Senior year, 1988.


 

Last night  Caroline  and I were talking in bed.

 

She mentioned the Waste Land by TS Elliot.

 

“One of my favorite poems,” I replied.

 

She read the first few familiar lines

 



The quintessential poem of the seasons, of a time between Winter and Spring, between death and life, here and there, this life and the underworld, regeneration and regret.

 

Earlier in the day, we talked about what our daughter’s senior year might look like.

 

She has an internship the last semester of her senior year in high school next year. 

 

“Its good.  You don’t  learn anything senior year anyway,” she said.

 

“Really,” I replied,  reflecting on my senior year at Greenhill when I read not only Eliot but some my favorite novels.   I  was done with classes with Dr Buchanan, whose lament that “constant flux” was going to be a feature of  our lives, has become painfully prophetic.

 

Still,  senior year we translated Virgil in  Latin class, read the  Waste Land and  Dante in  Poetry,  tracing  Virgil’s tour through our modern consciousness.   That line of thought took  us  through Walker Percy’s Love  in  the Ruin’s, a novel that referred  to  all those works.  I remember reading it in awe during the spring semester of my senior year in 1988.  That same semester we read The Unbearable Lightness of  Being,  Beloved,  and Aunt Julia the Scriptwriter,  two of three of my favorite novels of  all time.  Of course, like many seniors in high school, thoughts about poetry and  the anxieties of influence intermingled with conflicts about romance, the ordeals of intimacy Freud described.

 

An interchange from my new novel Illuminations on  Market Street, traces  a  few  of these conflicts and influences:

“I know. Well at least you don’t have a class with her,” I confided.

“Really, what class?”

“Literature in Transition, five days a week.”

 And it wasn’t just a class with Sarah—Becky, Phil and Mandy (a girl I had fooled around with Junior year in Todd’s Mom’s houseboat) were also in the class. I couldn’t believe it the first day I had entered the room to see everyone sitting against the back wall of the classroom looking like a panel from the Last Judgement. I stared down the whole class in complete shock. Looking at all three of the women and another former friend, the class was like some absurd comical aberration, something I deserved, the universe offering me a check.  I even told Mrs. Chips, a confidant from sophomore year when I got a 44 in her class. There had been a lot of explaining to do that year. She had taught Becky, Phil and me Gatsby years ago. “How much of this has to do with hormones?” Mrs. Chips inquired, quite matter-of-factly. “Oh, none, nothing Mrs. Chips,” I lied. As much as I hated to admit it, she was right.  “But Mrs. Chips, I thought we talked about this before I signed up for this class,” I lamented, flabbergasted after that first class. “I specifically asked you if either Sarah or Becky were going to be in this class.” “I know you did Cab, but I couldn’t tell you they were in the class. This is material I knew you could enjoy and benefit from. I can’t allow petty personal conflicts get in the way of that,” Mrs. Chips replied with mock seriousness. “But Mrs. Chips, I have had relations with girls in this class—not very positive relations.” “This’ll be good for you Cab. It’ll be a learning experience,” she concluded, smiling and getting back to her business.  So, for the last three months of a high school experience full of girls I had fixated on who had given me the cold shoulder, I had to face three of the girls I had recklessly let down. I was assigned The Divine Comedy in my class rights before the Literature in Transition class. Purgatorio was my favorite part. Alliances quickly fell into place as Mrs. Chips lectured about literary influence and movies, magic realism and Faulkner. Becky and Phil took the same two seats every day for their note passing. Despite all the LSD, partner swapping and panics, they still maintained a bond. They both seemed to enjoy the questions we’d all face in the class. Mandy always sat by herself. Phil and I were fine yet estranged. Susan and Sarah took to the same seats in the back row where they both crossed their legs and defiantly ignored my presence in the back corner as did Becky and Phil.  “I love teaching this course,” announced Mrs. Chips. “These are modern works in every sense. I would never assign these books to underclassmen. I wouldn’t even assign these readings to first term seniors. You are only ready for this stuff in the spring of your senior year as you are about to leave having experienced so many of the things which high school seems to entail in this precocious day.”  Phil and Becky listened in their distinctly Deep Ellum boots, psychedelic jewelry, paisley patterned shirts, ripped jeans, and reflective sunglasses. Mandy sat with her hand on her chin in acid washed jeans a black shirt buttoned up all the way to the top. Sarah and Susan maintained a flow of shopping mall department store Sanger Harris and Neiman Marcus up to the minute—girl about town, somewhat confident, imitation standards. The class proceeded with our undivided attention, weirdness oozing all over the room, the clothes, the books, the looks, and the lectures. On the first day, Mrs. Chips had begun: “I want to start with Love in the Ruins by Walker Percy. Let’s just read out loud a few pages to get a feel for the material. None of you have had an opportunity to read yet so let’s all start off on the same foot. Becky, would you read starting with page one?” And read Becky did. She straightened her back and started:

“NOW IN THESE DREAD LATTER DAYS OF THE OLD VIOLENT beloved U.S.A. and of the Christ-forgetting Christ-haunted death-dealing Western world I came to myself in a grove of young pines...”

“Cab, you’re in Dr. Currier’s advanced poetry class aren’t you?” Mrs. Chips asked when Becky finished. “Yes Ma’am.” “Have you started Dante yet?” “Yes.” “Do you have your copy of Inferno with you?” I nodded. “Could you pull it out and read the first few lines of Canto One?” “Yes ma’am.” I read:

“Midway through life’s journey, I went astray from the straight road and woke to find myself alone in a dark wood. what wood that was! I never saw so drear, so rank, so arduous a wilderness! Its very memory gives a shape to fear.”

“Did everyone hear that?” “Uh huh...” Mandy lied. “Becky, read that first paragraph again. Could you please?” Which she did.  Forests again. We were all starting sit up in our chairs.  “Cab, now read from the beginning of that first Canto again.” Which I did. “Percy came to himself in a grove of young pines, Dante in a dark wood,” I found myself mumbling, thinking out loud.  “What is Percy saying about us with this allusion?” Phil inquired. I hadn’t heard him talk like that for two and a half years, from back when Phil, Becky and I had our first class with Mrs. Chips studying The First Testament and Gatsby freshman year.

 “Actually, I think there’s an answer to that. I want to continue with the readings out loud. Phil, could you read from Thomas’ Creed on page six?”  Phil began: “I believe in God and the whole business but I love women best, music and science next, whiskey next, God fourth...” Listening, I knew Thomas was my guy. That could have been my creed, but I did not say so. We read the rest of the first page from Love and the Ruins: “Is it that God has at last removed his blessing from the USA and what we feel now is just the clank of the old historical machinery …” Sitting there in Dallas, Texas, where JFK spent his last breaths, it was hard to disagree. God had removed his blessing from this place built on the backs of slavery and the slaughter of the Karankawa, Caddo, Apache, Comanche, Wichita and Tonkawa peoples. While slavery was abolished in Mexico in 1829, the Republic of Texas made the practice legal in 1836, joining the confederacy in 1861, dragging its feet to abolish the practice in 1865. Even then, lynchings were common throughout the state. This history was out there for us all to see. But we didn’t talk about it much. It was all just part of growing up in a part of the country that does not apologize for the cruelties of its past. We were busy trying to forget all this. The underworld Virgil led Dante through seemed to point toward a suburban wasteland, where amnesia removed us from this history.  For years we converged in vacant parking lots, listening to music, hanging out, getting high, trying to make sense of this space between the treacheries of the past and the uncertainty of the future. “It’s only teenage wasteland…” The Who sang about it. And we tried to live in it. “Let’s get together before we get much older.”

 

Every novel we read—Kundera, Vargas Llosa, Puig, Percy—taught us to think a little bit more about the lines between these words and life, tracing meanings between unrequited love, hope, history and the questions about faith, longing and Eros that had been rumbling through our heads. Each story allowed us to make a little more sense of the sensations we had found discomforting. Kundera made body smells a driving force in his story. Ideas about morality shifted with these ideas, but so did TS Eliot’s descriptions of the “Wasteland” in which we all seemed to operate.”

 

Yes, we learn a lot senior year.  Hopefully it is just the beginning. 

 

 This is an excerpt from his novel Illuminations on Market Street (Ibidem Publishers, 2019).




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    ReplyDelete
  10. Never give up in life they all say no cure to HSV 2 which is a big lie I have pass through many process also i never believe there is really cure to HERPES until I meet Dr.Emmanuel the doctor that have been helping many people for many years, I come across this doctor online when I was searching for cure online I found out about this man, and to my greatest surprise this man have the herbal medicine which I have been looking for years I explain my problem to him through the email I found on someone who testify about him also, Dr.Emmanuel write me a reply and explain how the process work so after ordering for the medicine I got it within 4 days and I took it according to the way Dr.Emmanuel instructed, I was so happy after two week I took the medicine there was very big change in my health when I was done with the process I go for test, I found out I am negative that was the day I have the tears of joy you can also get in contact with my doctor through his email now nativehealthclinic@gmail.com or you can also WhatsApp him +2348140073965. And He a lso have herbs medicine to cured the following diseases; eczema,urethra wart,chronic problems.Herpes, Cancer, Als,Hepatitis, Diabetes, HPV,Infections,ulcer  ETC 

    ReplyDelete
  11. FINALLY FREE FROM HERPES VIRUSI thought my life had nothing to offer anymore because lifebecame meaningless to me because I had Herpes virus, thesymptoms became very severe and bold and made my familyrun from and abandoned me so they won't get infected. I gaveup everything, my hope, dreams,vision and job because thedoctor told me there's no cure. I consumed so many drugs butthey never cured me but hid the symptoms inside me makingit worse. I was doing some research online someday when Icame across testimonies of some people of how DR Ebhotacured them from Herpes, I never believed at first and thoughtit was a joke but later decided to contact him on the detailsprovided and when I messaged him we talked and he sent mehis herbal medicine and told me to go for a test after twoweeks. Within 7 days of medication the symptomsdisappeared and when I went for a test Lo and behold I wasNEGATIVE by the Doctor Who tested me earlier. Thank you DREbhota because I forever owe you my life and I'll keep ontelling the world about you. If you are going through samesituation worry no more and contact DR Ebhota viadrebhotasolution@gmail. com or WhatsApp him via +2348089535482.he also special on cureing 1. HIV/AIDS2. HERPES 3. CANCER 4.ALS 5. HEPATITIS B 6.DIABETES 7. HUMAN PAPILOMA VIRUS DISEASE(HPV)8. ALZHEIMER 9. LUPUS (Lupus Vulgaris or LupusErythematosus

    ReplyDelete
  12. Good News My People ..I Want To Appreciate Dr OYAKHIRE Herbal Medicine Is A Good Herbal Medicine For( HIV ),I Was Diagnosed With Hiv
    Virus Last Month,And i Looked For Solution To
    Be Cure,Luckily I Saw A Testimonies On How Dr
    OYAKHIRE Cured Hiv Virus,I Decided To Contact Dr OYAKHIRE ,I Contacted Him and He Prepared A Herbal Medicine Portion And Sent It To Me,I Started The Herbal Medicine For My Health,He Gave Me Step By Step Instructions On How To Apply It, When I Applied It As Instructed, I Was Cured Of This Deadly HIV Virus Within 1week, I Am Now Hiv Negative.My Brothers And Sisters I
    know That There Are So Many People That Have
    this Same HIV Virus Please Dr OYAKHIRE is here To Help you too,And please Help Me To Thank Dr OYAKHIRE For Curing Me, I’m Cured By Dr.OYAKHIRE Herbal Medicine,His Contact you can whatapps him on is phone number okay
    here is the number on Whatsapp,
    (+2349039208180 or email droyakhire7@gmail.com
    (1) HIV / AIDS
    (2) CANCER
    (3) HERPES
    (4) DIABETES
    (5) HERPERTITIS B
    (6) HPV
    (7)EX BACK
    (8)Tinnitus
    (9) stroke
    (10) asthma
    (11) fibroid

    ReplyDelete

  13. What a great testimony is this about doctor losa 5 months ago i was seaching for a doctor who would help me too cure my Hsv and i went to facebook to search for doctors and i saw different herbal doctors but i was scared but i contacted doctor losa to just try my luck i never knew he was a great man and man of his words i told him my problems and he sent me his product and told me the instruction on how i will be taking it after 3 weeks i went for medical check up and the news was the greatest testimony i ever heared confirmed negative.and you can contact him on is EMAIL dr.losaherbalhome@gmail.com or his whatsapp number +2349056464736

    ReplyDelete
  14. We all can help him share his great work so order people can see it plz OK., Dr Oyakhire has really made me so much believe in him by getting me cure with his herbal treatment. i really appreciate you Dr Oyakhire for bringing back happiness to my life again. thanks you so much friends that join me to thank Dr.Oyakhire for what he has actually done for me i pray to you all a good life and properity, email him at ...DrOyakhire7@gmail.com
    Whatsapp him +2349039208180
    He did cure those illness with herbal medicine!!!

    1 Cancer herbal medicine

    2 Hiv herbal medicine

    3 Low sperm count

    4 Barrenness

    5 Hvp herbal medicine

    6 Herpes herbal medicine

    7 Diabetes

    8 Love spell.

    9 Ex back

    Thanks Dr Oyakhire for your help in my life and family... and most especially to you Dr Oyakhire THANKS

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi it's laa! 9 months ago my doctor told me I was diagnosed with HSV2. I was heart broken, However that same month i found a Dr. who helped me to cured the virus with natural herbal treatment permanently. thanks to Dr. omohan for his natural herbal treatment that eliminated this virus out in my body forever. his contact information for any incurable virus via; dromohanherbalmedicine@gmail.com or whatsapp him or call him through his phone number +2348164816038.    

    ReplyDelete
  16. AM SO HAPPY THAT  FINELY AM FREE FROM HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS WITH THE HELP OF DR ASIKA ABUMERE REMEDIES, YOU CAN MAKE AN ORDER TODAY FOR YOUR HEALTH TO BE FREE,  

      If you think you have Herpes, or HIV, or any kind of disease or infections  contact  Dr ASIKA ABUMERE  REMEDIES  need to act fast. If you need  treatment immediately, you can reduce the duration of your outbreak. The key is to start medication within 12 to 24 hours of noticing symptoms.•• ☘️Herpes has No medical cure but there is a Natural Remedy which cures it completely.within the period of two weeks This treatment is completely made from natural roots and herbs and dose not have any side effects, l'm sure you have been told that it has no cure but don't you think this is something you have to give a try remember a problem shared is a problem solved Kindly send a DM  Dr ASIKA ABUMERE REMEDIES  for more info about treatment or Contact him via WhatsApp +2348132311083 or Email him via ( drasikaabumereherbalhome@gmail.com )  privately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I Never believed i was ever going to be HSV FREE again, DR.Ehiaguna has given me reasons to be happy, i was HSV positive for 2 years and all the means and medicine i tried for treatment was not helpful to me, but when i came on the Internet i saw great testimony about DR.Ehiaguna on how he was able to cure someone from HSV 2, this person said great things about this man, and advice we contact him for any Disease problem that DR.Ehiaguna can be of help, well i decided to give him a try, he requested for my information which i sent to him, and he told me he was going to prepare for me a healing portion, which he wanted me to take for days, and after which i should go back to the hospital for check up, well after taking all the treatment sent to me by DR.Ehiahuna , i went back to the Hospital for check up, and now i have been confirmed HSV NEGATIVE, friends you can reach DR.Ehiaguna on any treatment of any Disease cos i saw many testimony of different disease like, HEPATITIS,HIV AIDS,EPILEPSY, CANCER,CFS he is the one only one i can show you all up to, reach him on drehiaguna@gmail.com or whatsApp him now +2348073908953. quick contact him for help and you can just quickly drop your number on your first mail as i did for easily conversation

      Delete
  17. Hi it's laa! 9 months ago my doctor told me I was diagnosed with herpes. I was heart broken, However that same month i found a Dr. who helped me to cured the virus with natural herbal treatment permanently. thanks to Dr. omohan for his natural herbal treatment that eliminated this virus out in my body forever. his contact information for any incurable virus via; dromohanherbalmedicine@gmail.com or whatsapp him or call him through his phone number +2348164816038.    

    ReplyDelete
  18. i am very happy today to share this amazing testimony on how Dr. Lawson the herbal doctor was able to cure me from my HerpesVirus with his herbal medicine. I have been a herpes patient for almost 8 months now and have tried different methods of treatment to ensure that I am cured of this terrible disease, but none worked for me, so I had to leave
    everything to God to handle as I was a Christian who had faith that one
    day God would intervene in my life, yet I felt so sad and desperate as I was
    losing almost everything due to my illness, A few months ago while I was surfing the internet I saw different recommendation about Dr Lawson on how he have been using his herbal Medicine to treat and cure people, these people advice we contact Dr Lawson for any problem that would help immediately I contacted Dr Lawson and I told him how I got his contact
    and also about my disease, after some time Dr. Lawson Told me to have faith that he would prepare for me a medication of herbal herbs, he told me I would take this medicine for a few weeks and also asked my home for home address so as possible for him to submit the drug for me, so my good friends after all the process and everything Dr Lawson actually sent me the
    medicine, I took it as I was directed by Dr. Lawson , after a few weeks passed, while
    on Dr. Lawson medication I began to experience changes in my body, I had
    to call my doctor at the hospital for some blood test, after test my hospital doctor told me that I was no longer with the herpesvirus and my blood is pretty good, I can not even believe this, Friends well today i am Herpes Free and i want everyone to know that there is a
    cure for herpes for those who will contact Dr Lawson after reading my testimony
    he can still cure all other disease and virus.. you can
    kindly contact Dr.lawson on his IG LINK @dr_lawson9 OR his email dr.lawsonherbalhome@gmail.com
    or whatsapp him +234815 463 5774, ans also here is his website https://drlawsonherbalhome.weebly.com
    God bless you all  

    ReplyDelete
  19. i am very happy today to share this amazing testimony on how Dr. Lawson the herbal doctor was able to cure me from my HerpesVirus with his herbal medicine. I have been a herpes patient for almost 8 months now and have tried different methods of treatment to ensure that I am cured of this terrible disease, but none worked for me, so I had to leave
    everything to God to handle as I was a Christian who had faith that one
    day God would intervene in my life, yet I felt so sad and desperate as I was
    losing almost everything due to my illness, A few months ago while I was surfing the internet I saw different recommendation about Dr Lawson on how he have been using his herbal Medicine to treat and cure people, these people advice we contact Dr Lawson for any problem that would help immediately I contacted Dr Lawson and I told him how I got his contact
    and also about my disease, after some time Dr. Lawson Told me to have faith that he would prepare for me a medication of herbal herbs, he told me I would take this medicine for a few weeks and also asked my home for home address so as possible for him to submit the drug for me, so my good friends after all the process and everything Dr Lawson actually sent me the
    medicine, I took it as I was directed by Dr. Lawson , after a few weeks passed, while
    on Dr. Lawson medication I began to experience changes in my body, I had
    to call my doctor at the hospital for some blood test, after test my hospital doctor told me that I was no longer with the herpesvirus and my blood is pretty good, I can not even believe this, Friends well today i am Herpes Free and i want everyone to know that there is a
    cure for herpes for those who will contact Dr Lawson after reading my testimony
    he can still cure all other disease and virus.. you can
    kindly contact Dr.lawson on his IG LINK @dr_lawson9 OR his email dr.lawsonherbalhome@gmail.com
    or whatsapp him +234815 463 5774, ans also here is his website https://drlawsonherbalhome.weebly.com
    God bless you all  

    ReplyDelete
  20. I want to write a little testimony about the good work of dr ebacol who cured me from Hsv 1 and 2 for just 2 weeks with his herbal medicine, I never believe I can be normal again and have a good life like others I always regretted the day I got diagnose with the virus, I was lost of hope when my doctor told me there is no cure for it but I keep thinking and thinking about my future, if I can have kids of my own well I am so grateful for my helper who get me cured with his herbal medicine, I go online in search of anything that can help me because I can’t deal with it forever so I found this doc Ebacol email on a blog of someone who was cured by him I quickly contact him for help and explain all my pain to him, he told me not to worry about it there is cure for real, I never believe until he send me the herbal medicine when I order for it and I have it within 4 days that is how I took the medicine for 2 weeks and the following week I go for test just to confirm I was 100% cured from this sickness what a miracle in my life I am so happy right now, you can also get in contact with him if you have such sickness through email address drebacolherbalhome1@gmail.com or text him on what's app, phone number +2348159042641 Dr Ebacol also has remedy to others disease like COLD SORES,HIV/AIDS,DIABETES.CANCER,HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND MANY MORE. I oblige everyone to contact this powerful herbalist Dr Ebacol and be free from suffering.       

    ReplyDelete
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  22. Good news this is to everyone out there with different health challenges, as I know there are still a lot of people suffering from different health issues and are therefore looking for solutions. I bring you Good news. There is a man called Dr ehiaguna a herbal practitioner who helped cure me from HSV (2), i had suffered from this diseases for the past 5 years and i have spent so much money trying to survive from it. I got my healing by taking the herbal medicine Dr ehiaguna sent to me to drink for about 14 days . 3 days after completion of the dosage, I went for a medical checkup and I was tested free from HSV. all thanks to God for leading me to Dr ehiaguna who was able to cure me completely from this deadly diseases, I’m sharing this so that other people can know of this great healer called Dr ehiaguna because I got to know him through elizabeth who he cured from HIV. I was made to understand that he can cure several other deadly diseases and infections. Don’t die in ignorance or silent and don’t let that illness take your life. Contact Dr ehiaguna through his email  drehiaguna@gmail.com You can also whatsapp/call him on:+2348073908953 . Visit his website  https://effectiveherbalcurehome.blogspot.com/   He cure all forms of disease {1}HIV/AIDS {2}DIABETES {3}EPILEPSY {4} BLOOD CANCER {5} HPV {6} BRAIN TUMOR {7} HEPATITIS {8}COPD{9} SICKLE AND ANAEMIA.etc Be kind enough to share as you received.  

    ReplyDelete
  23. This is another testimony on how Chief Dr Lucky cured my HIV disease. Do you need a cure for your HIV disease? Do you want to be cured from your cancer disease? Or you want to be free from any type of disease. Kindly visit his website https://chiefdrluckyherbaltherapy.wordpress.com/ , he just cured my HIV disease and I’m very grateful to him, he is the only herbalist that can cure you.  
    WhatsApp number : +2348132777335 
    Via Email : chiefdrlucky@gmail.com
    Thank you all for reading,
    God bless"

    ReplyDelete
  24. I always have cold sores outbreaks when on my periods and they were very terrible, when I went for test the doctor said I had herpes virus. I just want to share a brief testimony of how Dr Sikies completely cured me from herpes virus with his natural medicine. It became a burden to me having outbreaks all time and it was so terrible to look upon while on mirror than going out with it so would rather lock up myself indoors all times of outbreak. I stumbled upon a testimony of someone this Herbal doctor has cured on the internet and took the doctor's email:drsikies@gmail.com to contact him. I'm completely whole today free from this virus and horrible outbreaks All thanks to Dr Sikies!!

    Here is his website: https://drsikiesherbalcure.weebly.com

    You can quickly reach me on via mail:monetwilson702@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete